The journey won't get easier, it won't get better.
It's going to become an unknown that you remember. Unknown to the self of awakening, known to the self of Existence; your natural state of being which is indescribable.
The only reason that it is gritty, grungy, grimy, is because that is what you 'en-couched', or coveted, when you got here. You based your reality from a pinnacle starting point of fear and worked yourself up to joy. You kept going back and forth, back and forth.
You are no longer going for joy or fear, you have released yourself from that reality.
What is 'unknowable' has to be related to through your mind, so it reverts back to the good old standard of: 'This is shitty, I'm not getting what I want, it's not working.'
You feel like: 'Ok, ok, ok, ouch, ouch, ouch...' But not relative to those emotional states, nor by reaching or preaching, hollering or screaming...just distancing yourself by being, being, being that self now. Always distance yourself by being that self now and then leaving that self, through the contemporary acceptance of that pain. This is what your mind is able to relate to as a reality.
Your mind has always told you what is going on through your emotions. It has NEVER let you see the reality, without those emotions.
Every time you saw that reality without that emotion, you didn't know you saw it, because it was covered up by a relative reality of reference, a filter, that the mind sought out, to equate you with an experience. But when you no longer validate dread, hope, needs, wants, desires or have regrets, then polarity is no longer stretched in your direction.
You become beyond.
Those likings become a residual, as you move forward. You feel shitty, but you also feel awesome that you feel shitty. You are battling, but no longer choosing to battle. You are allowing and revealing. This is the distance that you are closing between you and the whole you.
'Having trouble' is the mind.
Don't assess anymore. Don't question anymore.
That is the pain you must swim in. That is the chasm you must cross: no longer being the assessor of 'what your mind is doing'.
You become the actual experience in the present that doesn't contort 'what the mind is doing'. If not, you stay the mind of time.
Beyond polarity hurts.
But you break through to find a birthed self that knows its light, instead of its death.
If you argue, you stay the mind.
If you endure, you birth.
Channeled by Roxanne Swainhart🌺